I voted yesterday.
Sent that absentee ballot in with a sweet kiss goodbye. Did I sigh with relief? Mmmm… not quite.
A few weeks ago we went to visit my parents. While driving north it was hard not to notice the abundance of Trump-Pence signage lining the highway. On personal property, not purchased advertising. A Joe Rogan podcast played in the background and I wondered… are these signs simply huge and more noticeable? Or am I living in a state that will turn red on November 3rd? The closer it gets to d-day, the more and more uneasy I feel.
My political views are complicated and maturing slowly. I used to scoff and say how much I didn’t care, but thankfully those days are over. In a nutshell, I was raised by parents who perpetually disagree on the ballot. I was taught that this is ok. More than ok. It’s imperative to have your own views, have civil conversations about other opinions and decide what feels right on your own terms. So naturally…
I identify as an independent voter.
Why I say “identify” instead of “register” lies in our flawed left vs right system. In Iowa at least, I have to be registered as a Dem or Rep in order to vote in the presidential election. Honestly, I don’t even remember which one I chose because it truly doesn’t matter in my mind. I’m typically conservative on economic matters and pretty liberal on social views, but my vote will always swing.
Fast forward to yesterday, as I sat down to diligently blacken the circles next to my chosen candidates, I felt the weight of this 2020 decision. We will forever talk about the happenings of this year in history. Every day it seems there is more to disagree on and something new to worry about. One side of me felt these issues deeply while the other felt conflicted and a little unheard.
“Talking politics” isn’t really my thing, but I can’t stop thinking about this.
What if I truly do not believe in either candidate? A few weeks ago I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across a post by a very influential figure whom I personally look up to. She was discussing the third party voters who in her mind (or really, a lot of people’s minds right now), should absolutely stand with the Democratic party. Because a third party vote is a vote for Trump. And it’s been ringing in my ears ever since. Excuse me?
I’m not buying into the “vote for lesser evils” scenario created over this insane election. How did America get here with two rather unsuitable and/or undesirable candidates for the most prestigious seat in the world? Maybe I can’t stand Trump and maybe I don’t think Dems chose the right candidate either. Telling me to use my vote on someone I don’t 100% stand behind, no matter what, completely defeats the purpose of exercising my right. Even though no one seems to care anymore, our democracy allows for more than two candidates on the ballot. Furthermore, a blank space appears in case you think Mickey Mouse qualifies more than the rest. (for the record, I did not write in Mr. Mouse)
The weight I felt while making my choice was an unfair weight. Placed there by our insanely divided country, boosted Instagram posts and Facebook headlines. That right there is an issue in itself. If your argument isn’t enough to persuade me, are you really turning to guilt?
But that’s not the only thing bothering me about November 3rd.
I’m worried and anxious about either outcome.
If Trump wins, I’m terrified for the civil unrest it will bring. Most certainly will bring, right? I didn’t vote for Trump. If Biden wins, I’m unsure what that means for our economy. I didn’t vote for Biden. Straight up, I’m anxious for how either outcome will look to the rest of the world. And how Americans will react.
After such an intense year, we need some peace. We need some hope and unison. The divide is exhausting. It’s downright dangerous. I want answers. We need solutions… I just pray we get there.
Here’s to Kayne 2020. HA, JUST KIDDING! I am not insane.
Have you voted yet?
xoxo. B
